I hope it makes you laugh. During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. As a child of four can Mary Worth: "Let me do a Carnac the Magnificent here in P-2. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. ", "Sis boom bah." CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. KeyCastr. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? Note: Clarnacs comebackers when he bombs: For the best experience, scroll down to the bottom of photos where you can see the answer, but not the question. share. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." . dickory? May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? Wheres the exit sign? , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. Shriver. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. A: Pot luck. Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . A: Sueeee, sueeee. Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. Margaret's door? Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island No more years! A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? his neck? Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. juice? The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. (crowd cheers). The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? Screenkey. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? A: Executive action. . Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. A: Gunga din. The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? Johnny would don an . A: Mount Baldy. "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. a #2 mayonnaise . CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. A: Superbowl. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. car industry. A: Bible belt. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. on a country? The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. A: "Rose Bowl." 2006 | CC. A: "Oh God!" Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. proctologist. "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? Thanksgiving? The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? Explanation of WPA. Tell a friend Ask a question. With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. Carson . CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. A: "The Dumplings." CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your [applause]. A: Head and shoulders. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess She said, Why didnt you go around me?. No more years! folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. Q: How do you get it? A: The 11th Hour. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. Our Story; Our Chefs The funny story above is a satire or parody. She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. A: Pipe dream. The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? A: Never on Sunday. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? , The Question: How did Clarnacs wife lose 240 pounds of unwanted fat? 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire? Q: What do crabs get high on? A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. Hand made. The Question: What words of encouragement can you give to a person with a kidney stone? Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? A: Buddy Holly. A: Fort Knox. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . A: Shake and bake. Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. . 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. A: Short eyes. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing? A: Blazing Saddles. Carnac was added to AlternativeTo by Gbeworld on Mar 16, 2013 and this page was last updated Oct 20, 2021. all positive negative relevance date. The Answer: Become a professional politician. The Question: Why do they lock gas station restrooms? Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Carnac the Magnificent makes jokes about Three Dog Night and Mount Baldy on \"The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson\" in 1974.JOHNNY CARSON PLAYLISTSAnimals http://bit.ly/carson_animalsBloopers http://bit.ly/carson_bloopersCarnac http://bit.ly/carson_carnacCelebrities http://bit.ly/carson_celebritiesChristmas http://bit.ly/carson_christmasComedians http://bit.ly/carson_comediansMonologues http://bit.ly/carson_monologuesSkits http://bit.ly/carson_skitsMusic http://bit.ly/carson_musicFOLLOW JOHNNY CARSONYOUTUBE: \"Subscribe\" http://bit.ly/johnnysubYOUTUBE MAIN MENU: http://bit.ly/johnny_menuYOUTUBE PREMIUM: http://youtube.com/johnnycarsontvFACEBOOK: \"Like\" http://fb.com/johnnycarson TWITTER: http://twitter.com/#!/JohnnycarsonGOOGLE+: http://bit.ly/johnnygplusJOHNNY CARSON IS AVAILABLE ON:ITUNES http://bit.ly/johnnyitunesDVD: http://bit.ly/carsondvdsAMAZON: http://bit.ly/amzn_carsonGOOGLE PLAY: http://bit.ly/carson_gplay\"carnac on three dog night and mount baldy\" \"three dog night\" \"mount baldy\" \"johnny carson\" \"johnny carson youtube\" \"tonight show\" \"johnny carson show\" comedy \"best of johnny carson\" Carson \"johnny carson best moments\" \"the best of johnny carson\" \"johnny carson theme song\" \"best of carson\" \"the tonight show with johnny carson\" \"tonight show johnny carson\" \"tonight show band\" \"jonny carson\" \"carnac the magnificent\" \"carnac\" \"johnny carson carnac\" \"humor\" \"hilarious\" \"funniest moments\" \"video clip\" \"live tv\" Return to Humor Page A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. A: Unleash. In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling . CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your Clarnac: Well see how it goes, if Clarnac can find his reading glasses. Function: require_once. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. A: Lady-in-waiting. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. A: Skalliwags. JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. ANSWER: Gatorade. The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. . resuscitation with a sick lizard. ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". They've been kept in plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? a #2 mayonnaise Paul? The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. by BMcCJ. Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to A: Lo-fat. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. A: All the President's men. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. Question Man". Line: 24 CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped A: Dustin Hoffman. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? Q: What do you use to fry a peter? In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. Line: 107 sister's hooped skirt. A: The Newlywed Game. Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. A: Deep freeze. ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. Line: 68 The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. Q: Name one guy who's rich after April 15th. The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? . A: Over 15 billion served. A: You asked for it. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? station? The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. Q: What do you say when calling your quat? Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? . A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." . In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. Q: Name two movies and a suppository. A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches Line: 479 CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only car? CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! A: Tail of Two Cities. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! seen them before. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. eyes? May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. pants. A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. share. Carnac The Magnificent undated. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? A: Last Tango in Paris. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign hope chest. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. Q: Where should you address all your mail? It is entirely fictitious. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly A: Shake-N-Bake. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. you? May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Show"? In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. . One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? "You Light Up My Life.". . A: Mr. Coffee. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. A: "Coming home." The character was introduced in 1964. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. (the curse). While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. Line: 478 A: A full moon The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice? May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. [1] . Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. Contents A: Cyclone. The segment included several running gags. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. A: Ben Gay. A: Hickory Dickory Dock. Watch now: Free with ads. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash.