After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Stay out of clouds. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Air Traffic Control 6. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. ! Again, no reply. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Landings are mandatory. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Return to Humor Index. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. 64. Takeoffs are optional. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. 5. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. He is the Founder and . While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. I dont see it.. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Later, I spoke with Mom. He finally comes dragging in at. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. Marine: Wait, stop. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Semper Pie A PETTY officer! When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. 8. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Baltimore, said Dad. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Theres a post recall and he went to work. 9. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Even his son turned up. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. 16. Did you hear about the big accident on base? In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? 45. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Why? I asked. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Because the Army needed heroes too. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Military 3. Thats Daddy. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. 37. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Did you make it all by yourself? Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Ocean Pearl, I answered. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Soldier: No, SIR!. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. The c.i.a. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Marines Say OOOOORAH! An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. If it doesnt move, pick it up. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. Me: No. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? The Lasting Supper This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Killed bin Laden. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. How tough? I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . 38. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. 36. Thats my wifes breast pump.. Fish Food. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Read more. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? 28. How much noise can we make up here? He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. 3. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. The reason? Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. The other replied, Not me! Co-Pilot: What?!. We have one or two in here! Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Do you have change for a dollar? They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack.